lost in d life

i should be rushing to finish my syllabus now.. bt i duno where d feeling comes, which urges me to BLOG...

have been quite busy lately.. after finishing those lengthy and stressful assignment, i've to start studying.. boring skul life...
a lil nervous to sit for my ADV DIP 1st ever final exam.. cos, inside my huge brain, there's jus a tiny part which contains those academic materials (sad huh?) furthermore, i duno wats wrong with me tis very 1st sem of adv dip, i failed my paper.. 1st time in my life failed important paper... i dun lik tis 1st time, n i'll rmb it til i die.. i wont allow me to fail anymore, bt honestly inside my heart, there's actually a thorn, stop me from going and moving on.. i'm afraid of it.. no confidence over it.. i cant be brave to overcome it, no supports..

i wanted to find sth which can help me to stand up.. tough and straight.. i couldn't find any~
i felt alone.. everyday wake up not knowingly wat to do.. i'm jus following my planned schedule.. everyday travel to and from coll.. not knowing the purposes and aims..
i too felt lost...

YA!! i agree wit u.. i was d one where others will come for me to ask me on d subject.. but now, everything is jus turning UP-SIDE-DOWN.. i became the one who ask for others' help.. seek for help... i dun lik to be d weakest one.. i wanna to b d toughest..

i was once crying while i travel back from coll.. not knowing d reason for crying.. i jus can feel my heart is overloading wit problems.. i jus wanna to find a place to hide myself n cry out loud. The place which i could find - my room.. i spent most of my time in my room alone.. i felt comfortable when i'm alone.. do not need to pretend and could do watever things i lik.. dats wat call free...

tis sem i've my shopping session once a week.. every week must hav atleast sth in my bag.. duno d problem i'm facing, jus wanted to buy myself sth to cheer me up, bt NOT AT ALL.. I'M NOT HAPPY AT ALL...

where goes my HAPPINESS? where goes my FREEDOM?? where goes my COURAGE?? where goes my TOUGHNESS?? where goes CLARICE YAP SHIN YHEE??