lost in d life

i should be rushing to finish my syllabus now.. bt i duno where d feeling comes, which urges me to BLOG...

have been quite busy lately.. after finishing those lengthy and stressful assignment, i've to start studying.. boring skul life...
a lil nervous to sit for my ADV DIP 1st ever final exam.. cos, inside my huge brain, there's jus a tiny part which contains those academic materials (sad huh?) furthermore, i duno wats wrong with me tis very 1st sem of adv dip, i failed my paper.. 1st time in my life failed important paper... i dun lik tis 1st time, n i'll rmb it til i die.. i wont allow me to fail anymore, bt honestly inside my heart, there's actually a thorn, stop me from going and moving on.. i'm afraid of it.. no confidence over it.. i cant be brave to overcome it, no supports..

i wanted to find sth which can help me to stand up.. tough and straight.. i couldn't find any~
i felt alone.. everyday wake up not knowingly wat to do.. i'm jus following my planned schedule.. everyday travel to and from coll.. not knowing the purposes and aims..
i too felt lost...

YA!! i agree wit u.. i was d one where others will come for me to ask me on d subject.. but now, everything is jus turning UP-SIDE-DOWN.. i became the one who ask for others' help.. seek for help... i dun lik to be d weakest one.. i wanna to b d toughest..

i was once crying while i travel back from coll.. not knowing d reason for crying.. i jus can feel my heart is overloading wit problems.. i jus wanna to find a place to hide myself n cry out loud. The place which i could find - my room.. i spent most of my time in my room alone.. i felt comfortable when i'm alone.. do not need to pretend and could do watever things i lik.. dats wat call free...

tis sem i've my shopping session once a week.. every week must hav atleast sth in my bag.. duno d problem i'm facing, jus wanted to buy myself sth to cheer me up, bt NOT AT ALL.. I'M NOT HAPPY AT ALL...

where goes my HAPPINESS? where goes my FREEDOM?? where goes my COURAGE?? where goes my TOUGHNESS?? where goes CLARICE YAP SHIN YHEE??

sleepy blog

should i feel happy in tis 2 months? my brain told me i should be... and must be...

i'm not sure.. not sure bout u, me, and us..

i hate d suspecting and doubting feelings which i got from u and my heart..

i got alot of question marks inside my brain n heart.. cos..

i reli duno wat i wan.. i hope i could concentrate on things dat i've started.. bt, things were nv be so great to allow u to do dat.. haiz...

14/08/2009

where should i start my story??
lets start with the happy part.. today went out wit my super super frens..
vry vry happy at first... long time never talk for the whole day, laugh for the whole day..
college's life now is too dull for me.. no more laugher.. =(

today din planned to buy anything, jus go out accompany wei buy present for her RU.. den accidentally bought myself sth.. after buying, realised money i take out jus now was all gone.. omg.. dats d money which i planned to use for the whole week including petrol.. sad-nya.. y no one stop me when i buy things??? reli fainted...

after tired of walking, v got to stop at a shop which sells alot of soft toys.. stayed there for a vry long time.. bought sth for ourselves.


cow's key chains r mine n a tan.. d other 2 is for another 2 soh poh.. quite nice a d cow.. lik it.. haha..

AT NIGHT
all of us r reli exhausted.. tired.. sleepy+hungry.. fetch yuan back... den go kepong eat..
unfortunately, sth bad happened.. haiz.. today whole day duno y jus scare when driving.. or sitting cars.. dun lik d feeling.. tan got accident.. sienz liao lo.. haven eat den jiu sth lidat happened..where got mood o?? i'm reli sorry cos... dumped u all bhind... haiz.. bt, dat time reli alot cars.. cant stop.. reli guilty.. bt luckily, nt vry serious.. lidat oso fong sum abit.. now is reli exhausted.. tired.. hungry.. haiz... =(

confession

its tiring~ tiring to handle all my assignments, course works, and love...

i duno how can i relax n calm myself down..
its has been a vry tough month for me..

wonder if things would nv go wrong..
wonder if i'm still in my past..
wonder if i can appreciate the time i had..

wondering all the time~
had a lil crying session~
no one noe wats actually in my mind..
no one noe wat i reli wanted for my life..
no one noe d reasons i cried for..
I DUN UNDERSTAND TOO..

MENS are borned to be diffrnt..
diffrnt size, face, character, personality..
yet, i still cant find my PERFECT one.. a perfect person who can curb wit me..
i wonder, is there any perfect one around the other side of the world? do these person reli exist?

in the diffrnt part of the world, which is in here, i found alot.. alot ppl who i once THOUGHT they r d person, bt i once failed..
things would nv go right..
we r nt together doesnt mean d end of the world..
we r nt together is bcos God found that v r more suitable to be fren, forever fren..

some, break apart and together again.. tot that v can reli curb wit each other, bt actually, its another lie..
tried to change alot for ppl.. saw ppl change alot for me..
wondering~ if v could oni be fren from the beginning, v would nv had a bad ending~ v can alwiz be fren.. fren to help each other..

THANKS to all of u who perfect my life, who helped me to walk thru few years or months..